The Opinionated Diner

Elephants and Acrobats.........

I have seen hell on earth and it is also known as The Auckland Royal Easter Show.

I had a lunch with Pauly today, which we do from time to time and we’d both been forced by our offspring to go to the Easter Show on Monday last. Now the Easter Show is an Auckland institution (160 odd years it says). When I was a lad I remember the show as something special. It was vaguely magical and I remember being given bags of magazines by the Russian comrades at their impressively large display. Loads of photos of tractors and heroes of the revolution…it had an effect on a ten year old. There were boats and racing cars and planes and gadgets and competitions and happy people…

No more…don't let false nostalgic pangs fool you

I’ve been a few times over the intervening years with diminishing results, but now, sad to say, the poor old Easter Show has no redeeming features whatsoever, and Pauly agreed. We were both shell-shocked.

From the terrifying amateur artworks, which defy any description…I’ve never actually seen anything quite like them anywhere (and some have GOLD medals…the one with the naked maiden chained to the rock in the river with a knight riding over the hill to rescue her …all for $1800…was pretty special)…to the guy who, for some inexplicable reason advertises himself as New Zealand’s Own Michael Jackson (is he serious…what exactly does he do each day at 7pm, and to whom?)….to the sick looking, sparse in number, farmyard animals who look like they are looking forward to the works as some sort of relief…to the sad numerous Chinese massage and junk stalls which fill the space where the Soviet (and no doubt KGB) displays once sat (the cold war had its upside)…to the game sideshows complete with the sorts of prizes on display which haven’t been manufactured since 1980, with good reason- technology has moved on since plastic AM transistors…to the stall selling cat food (who on earth goes to the Easter show to buy bloody cat food)...to the rides which no person with any concern for their or their loved ones safety would even consider…..at least I don’t get hassled as Mr Bizarre as poor Paul does!

But the worst part (and I’ll get named as some sort of snob for this) seems to be the humanity and their poor kids (who don’t stand a chance sadly) that the show attracts. Parents with a fag hanging out..flicking the fag onto the ground still burning….screaming at Shervaughn or Jaedyn to come here then slapping them....spitting on the ground….aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh. I think Brigid was the only shelia there without white boots or tassels

It costs a fortune, its unbelievably ugly and complete low rent shite and both Paul and I said over our Yum Char…..”never again…………..”